Dream...continued...Part 3

Okay. I'm going to give it another shot. Here's part 3...maybe. By the way, I made a slight revision to Part 2. They've been apart for ten years instead of twenty.

Dream - Part 3

It was as sunny a day as any, with white cotton clouds kissing the sky. He ran over the hill with eager anticipation. As he stopped at top, he found himself in slight surprise. He saw a sight that had become a distant memory...until today.
Standing there, facing the sea, she had become so beautiful since the day he met her. He could feel the tears colliding against the ground. It reminded him of the first day he met her, and yet the feeling was entirely different. An uneasiness settled deep inside of him. He couldn't explain why he felt a strange sadness tug at him from seeing her tears this time. It was as though these tears, were ones he couldn't chase away. It felt like he was going to lose something important to him. But he didn't have any reason to believe it to be the case.
"What's wrong?" he said.
She turned around and looked up to find him, standing there. Once small and boyish, and now he's become tall, dark, and handsome. How they'd grown over the years. She didn't bother wiping her tears before turning around this time. That heavy feeling only sunk deeper as he saw the tears begin to well up in her eyes again before taking a deep breath and wiping them away, leaving a smile, a mask.
"Do you think we'll ever forget this place?" she asked.
He paused a moment, before replying, "Is this a dream?"
She had a slight look of disbelief on her face before laughing, "I suppose it is. It feels like a dream!"
"Then you can hold onto it forever if you like, no one can take it away."
She paused a moment before smiling, "I suppose that's true."
She looked up at the sky with a longing sadness, "Do you think birds can fly?" she asked.
"As long as they are free." he said.
She looked to the ground with a distant sadness peering out from behind her eyes, she said, "What if it's wings are broken?"
He stood there in silence as the shock penetrated the look on his face. That question left him wondering what she meant by it. His heart began to sink, and he didn't know why. Something felt different, he'd never felt that kind of apprehension from her before. It was as though the dream was about to be torn away from him.
She shook her head and then laughed her usual laugh, "I think I got you this time Dreamer!"
She walked up beside him, softly put her hand on his shoulder, and said "Iroiro to arigatou, Musouka.”
He didn't understand what she had said, he didn't even know that she could speak another language. She always seemed to surprise him without even trying. As he turned around, she smiled back at him. "If you can catch me today, we should run away together! But if you can't, the wind might carry me off!"
"Wai--" She disappeared into the grass before he could finish.
No matter how closely he watched, no matter how fast he ran, the wind carried her off that day.


"How could I forget?" he asked.
She smiled, "did you ever figure out what I'd whispered to you that day?"
""Iroiro to arigatou, Musouka." Thanks for everything, Dreamer." he whispered.
A look of surprise settled on her eyes.
"Why did you leave? What happened?" he asked.
She looked at the grass tossing about across the field, "You opened your eyes. You had already caught me. I knew that it was only a matter of time before the dream came to an end. This was the only way I could keep it alive."
"I didn't catch you. I couldn't catch you, that day, or any other day..." he paused a moment before continuing, ""If you can catch me today, we should run away together!" You said that because you knew I couldn't catch you, didn't you."
She sat down, continuing her gaze across the field as a sullen look overtook her smile, "I didn't know, I was afraid you might catch me that day.  I said that because I couldn't let that happen, let you catch me...that day of all days. I had to say goodbye, and I didn't want to."
A confusion overwhelmed his mind, "Then why? Why didn't we just run away together."
She watched the sun touch the top of the trees a moment before telling him a story, "There were two bluebirds that flew about, as happy as could be. But one day, one of the bluebirds, she learned a secret, that broke her wings. She tried so hard to figure out how to fly again, but she knew that this reality, she couldn't deny. She knew she had to say goodbye...
I wish I could tell you the reason I left that day, but I can't explain it to you. You weren't supposed to catch my heart..." suddenly tears began to well in her eyes,"...it was supposed to be locked away safely, from everyone..."as she paused a moment to recollect herself, a tear streamed down her cheek, "...and I never expected to fly away with your's. I began falling in love with you the day we met, and I didn't even know it. I left you trapped because I didn't want to be in this gilded caged alone. If there was one thing we shared, it was the longing for this dream, the incarceration of our hopes."
His heart leaped with joy to learn that she'd loved him, but cried out in pain at the same time, "Why can't we be together?"
She looked at him with the gentle smile that makes it difficult to realize you're being given bad news, "If only I had met you first, instead of her." she let out a sigh as she looked back up at the trees, "Sometimes, things just don't seem to be fair. Life can be so full of painful discoveries at times."
He became puzzled by that statment, "Who found me first, who is "her"?!" he wondered in silence.
She turned back around with a bright smile, those smiling eyes hiding so many secrets of pain and tears, and bent over with her hands behind her to look him in the eye "I suppose it's time for another goodbye."
It felt as though she were taking his heart with her, leaving this aching feeling of emptiness.
"Please don't go, please. I love you and I hope that you still love me. Why do you have to take my heart with you?" he asked with regret in his voice.
She paused a moment as she straightened her stance once again, "Sometimes, we have to sacrifice what we want most for the sake of others, right? I'll tell you what. Seems how you've already got it, I'll let you keep my heart, since I'm taking yours."
As she started to walk away, she stopped for a moment, "Please do me a favor. Don't let this cage stop you from flying. There are senseless memories, ugly memories, and painful memories in life. Don't let it kill you, control you, or let it dictate your life. If you don't keep flying, and growing, if you don't keep loving in spite of it, you will lose more of the precious moments with each passing day...It's not worth it.
Please, Treasure the memories worth holding onto, let go of the ones that aren't."

She looked back with a smile that sunk deep into his heart, one that brought about a serene sadness he couldn't explain, "Don't let the pain consume what makes you so beautiful."

She continued walking. This time she didn't run, she just walked at a pace that eased the distance between them, ever so painfully...as the wind carried her, across the field, into the trees, and out of sight...


----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was going to end it  (the story) here, but decided to place the starred addition (noted by **) below this paragraph as potential for a continuation, AND A CLIFFHANGER!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!
To be honest, I was contemplating this to be a farewell post...maybe I'll give you the rest of the story (from off the top of my head...that's something special *not seriously*) and leave it with a happy ending...but that wouldn't be very fun...I want to see my readers cry like little girls (...oops. Wrong blog.)
I kind of like the mystery to the story, the bittersweet ending. But I'm also a little curious to see where it could go too. It's all up to my readers. Have you gotten tired of it yet?

**He sat there, as the sun continued setting upon the trees. He couldn't shake the question, "Who is "she"?!". Was there someone he knew that had a connection with the girl in his dreams, the girl with no name? All these years, if there were, why didn't they mention anything, why didn't he ever see dream girl with them? How could he make his dreams come true? How could he keep the beautiful dream from slipping through his fingers?

Just a Quick Goodnight...

As much as I was half-way considering writing a part three to Dream...I think I need a little more than 3 1/2 hours of sleep to write something that makes even just a little sense...so...on that note...I'm going to bed. Good night friends! ((_ _))..zzzZZ

Tears of Regret...the Fight Against Loss

 I was typing up a poem to post today, and couldn't help but cry. I think it's because I began reminiscing the reason I had written the poem. I'd seen, and felt the toll of the death of a loved one. Many of the things I mentioned in the poem were things that I or someone I loved struggled with.

 I remember being with someone while hiking maybe a year or two after my mother died, they were much closer to her than I could ever hope to be. I don't remember exactly what they said, but I remember telling them I don't believe mom would want them to do this to themselves, that she wouldn't want this to consume them. I say this because that's how I would feel. I told them it's okay to cry, we have good days and bad days, but not to let it stop them from living, growing. This is when I realized I needed to do that too.
I think, I'm moving a bit slower from a year ago. Somewhere along the way I forgot to keep growing.
I suppose today, the painful memories seem to haunt me. I want so much to be someone full of hope, laughter, love. But I can't expect a war horse riddled with scars to win the beauty pageant can I?
I'm nothing special, I know this. I'm okay with this, I strive for hope, laughter, love, faith, integrity, but I don't want to set myself up for failure by thinking I should never have a day when things hit me harder than others, or should I? When we fall, we're covered in mud, and it just plain hurts sometimes, can't we cry, even just a little? Didn't even the strong ones reach unsure moments, and wade through blood, sweat, and tears? I don't want the fight to stop, I want to do better. When I fall, I want to smile and laugh, and ask myself, "Is that all you've got?". When I do cry, I want to find my smile again, as soon as I can. I want to build others up, help them feel better when they're down, cry with them when that's all you can do, keep a positive view while holding my ground. I know I'm rough around the edges, but I hope to someday be a gem. I don't know how to explain it, but though I'm unsure and just plain crazy, it's not really impossible is it, to do this? This would probably make more sense if I actually got some sleep...

Dream...continued

Tadaa! Thanks to a special request, I will be attempting the impossible! I will attempt to continue a fly story (maybe not that impossible)! I kind of need to do some "get away" writing anyways! (^u^)

Dream (Part 2)

As he stood there, staring in disbelief, he mumbled, "Is this a dream?"
She smiled, "You remember!"
She walked up to him, "Do you think birds can fly?"
His eyes welled up with tears, "Not as high as you. A place I've dreamed of reaching since I met you."
The smile faded from her face, transforming into a look of surprise.
"A dream that came to haunt me, keeping me captive until I could reach it. I wish I had the chance to tell you. I wanted so much to tell you."
"Did you reach it?" she asked.
"I'm still trapped." he replied.
The surprise on her face continued to settle in.
"Are you really here, or am I dreaming?" he asked.
Her eyes were as though a mask hid many secrets, stories of pain, a beautiful mask of serenity. The conversation caught her by complete surprise, let alone seeing the familiar stranger she thought had long forgotten this place, since the last day they saw each other.
As she walked by, she put her hand on his shoulder and whispered, "You're it!"
She started toward the tall grass. As she did, he remembered the last memory of her running into the grass, bringing about a painful fear that dropped his heart to the bottom of his stomach. He started forward, launched his hand out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She looked back to see the tears in his eyes. He paused a moment in the realization that he wasn't dreaming.
"Don't leave, please. I'm so sorry, I tried. I couldn't reach you, I couldn't catch you. I should have told you these things that day. I should have stopped you. I wanted to protect you." he said.
At that moment, she realized that he hid just how much her tears affected him that day. The day she disappeared.
"I thought it was a dream." she said.
He paused a moment and looked up at her.
"I liked the dream. I didn't want it to end. I loved this place more than anywhere else. When I had tears choking me, when my nightmares were catching up to me, when I felt the weight pulling me to the ground, I'd come here." She paused a moment and smiled as she looked up at the sky, "You chased it all away. All of my sadness, all of my fears, I felt free." She looked back at him again, "You did all that. You gave me my smile, I wish I could have stayed here with you." She let out a smile accompanied with a subtle laugh, "How long has it been Dreamer?"
"Ten years." he replied.
"That long huh?", she said with a smile. "You remember the first day we met?"
He thought back.

It was a sunny day, with cotton clouds in the sky. He was running in the field. As he reached the bottom of the hill, he heard a faint noise whispering to the waves.
He slowly approached the hill to find her facing the waves, crying. "Shine as brightly as you may, the blue bird will still fly away." she said softly.
"Are you okay?" he asked. She quickly wiped her tears and turned around to see him standing at the top of the hill in a boyish manner.
She smiled, "I was giving my tears back to the ocean." He responded, "You don't get your tears from the ocean." She smiled, "And you don't get your imagination from the sky."
He stood there a moment, trying to figure out what she meant.
"Are you sad?" he asked."Why do you ask that?" she responded. "Because, I'll share my secret with you." he said as he grabbed her hand. All she could do was be pulled along with a look of surprise on her face.
He lead her into the field and flopped down into the tall grass.
He pointed to the sky as he laid on his back, "Nobody can find you here. The grass will make you invisible. The blue sky, and the warmth of the sun makes me feel better. Maybe it will soak up your sadness when you're feeling down."
She looked at him for a moment with surprise, then she smiled and looked back up at the sky, "It does. Thanks! I won't tell anyone your secret."

"Yes." he said. It was the first time I saw you cry. I didn't see you cry again until the last day I saw you.
"That's because I didn't cry again until that day, I knew I had my secret field of dreams to go to. I knew I just had to hold on to my tears, my sadness, until I got there. Then you would chase them away and the sun would swallow them up. But even the sun couldn't swallow my sadness that day. I waited for the ocean to help me. But all I could do was dread the completed dream that day." she responded.

"Do you remember what I said?" she asked.

A Promised Story

So friends, here's that story I promised about my bronchitis. When I was about sixteen or so, I had gotten bronchitis really badly. I had gotten a severe fever first, but then I felt a lot better in a few days. I went outside, but neglected to take care of myself properly.
I still had a cold and spent far too much time in -15 degree weather in the daytime, as well as night. After about a week of ignoring the fact that I was still sick, I had developed bronchitis. I was coughing so hard in the mornings and evenings that I was "getting sick" for about three weeks.
After a week of it, we went to the doctors and got antibiotics, but it still took me two weeks to stop coughing so badly. Then, it was still in my breathing (was difficult to breathe without cough catch in mid-inhale or exhale) for about 2 months after that.

Now, whenever I get a cold, it comes back without fail. The good thing is that since that day, it's only like the recovery period (after the first three weeks) for about 3 weeks to a month. The only problem is, this last time, I got a severe sinus infection and it came back the worst I've had it since I got sick. It still wasn't as severe as the first time I got it, but this time I had difficulty sleeping (one night I didn't get any sleep at all).
 Last week I had been coughing so much that my ribs and stomach felt raw from it. I'm feeling much better now though. Now it's just a faint catch in my breathing. It gets worse in the cold. But I'm sure this is a really boring story.
 I don't want any of my readers to worry because I'm fine now. \O(T_T)O/ As good as almost new (I was born "almost as good as new"). Now for a random story off of the top of my head...

Dream

He watched his footsteps as he ran up a hill at the end of a field filled with tall grass. He was sure she'd be there. He slowed down as he the reached the top, to find her laying there in the short grass a fair distance from the ledge, listening to the waves. She was watching the clouds roll around between her fingers as she held her hand up. After a moment, she looked back to see him standing there. She took another moment before standing up and turning around to face him.
"Are you ready?" she asked.
"For what?" he replied.
 She spread her arms out and then answered his question, "To fly."
As he folded his arms in a boyish manner he responded, "You can't fly. Do you think you're a bird?"
 She flopped her arms to her sides. As she walked toward him she said, "And you can't see. What are you, a mole?"
Then as she proceeded to walk past him she said quietly, "You'll never catch me if you keep your eyes closed."
At that moment she hit him. "Ow." he said.
 "You're it!" she said as she disappeared into the tall grass, leaving only a moving trail where she stepped. He smiled and  thought, "Today's the day. I'll catch you!"
As he disappeared into the grass, he woke up, only to find himself thirty again. The memory was so distant it seemed as though it were a dream. He let out a sigh of disappointment as he got up to prepare for the day.
As he stood at the sink, drinking his coffee, he lowered his cup to the counter for a moment as he gazed out the window.
"Shine as brightly as you may, the blue bird will still fly away." he said in a gentle tone.
"It wasn't your fault you know" came a voice from behind him. As he looked back, he saw his brother standing there, who also turned out to be his roommate.
As he closed his eyes a moment to recover from the slight surprise, he turned his head back to look out the window again, "Why do the clouds have to be so white today, it's as though they're mocking me.".
"Don't shoo the clouds away. The grey blanket may take their place, then the day would just be dreary." said his brother.
He peered over at his brother with an unamused look, "I have a nice big boot over there with your name on it."
His brother looked in the same direction and said, "Oh there it is, I've been looking for that."
"What are you doing today?" asked his ever so curious brother.
"I've got the day off, so I thought I'd go for a little walk."
"Suit yourself. If you want to do anything, give me a call." replied his brother.
"Thanks."

He took a long drive to memory lane. As he walked through the field, it felt as though he were dreaming. He could hear the waves, crashing softly. As he walked over the hill his heart filled with anticipation. It happened every time he approached that spot, even though deep down, he knew that he wouldn't find what he was looking for. Even though, he continued walking.
As he slowly came over the top of the hill he stopped to find his heart dropping from his chest.
There, standing, taller, her hair blowing softly in the wind, in a yellow sun dress dancing around her, no shoes, and a book in her hand. Could it be her? As she turned around, he could not believe it.
She looked up to find him standing at the top of the hill. Pausing a moment in surprise, she then stood straight up and said with a smile, "Well hello there stranger. Long time no see. Do you think we'll ever forget this place?"

Reminiscence...

I was reading through my old blog The Daily Chomp, and came across a post that was written with someone in mind. Someone I care dearly about. Anyways, I knew the likelihood of their reading the post was minimal. I am sure they haven't read it, but I thought about that illustration again.
For reference, it's on The Daily Chomp, November 3, 2006, posting called Illustration. As I read it, I remembered that I even thought up a story based on the principal of each person's house representing themselves, and the work left for them to do determined by experiences in their childhood. I suppose this entry will be a modified summary of that story. I have no idea why I decided to do this for my post, but this is it.

Each person is left a house, a responsibility that belongs to their parents until they become an adult. How the parents take care of it, determines greatly the amount of work left to the person to inherit it. But when building a house, or repairing one for that matter, there is much to consider. The people you choose to have on your crew, or allow onto your site, have a great impact on your amount of progress. You must keep a sharp eye out for plants from an enemy. Some learn this early, for many, this requires continual adjustment and growth. This is the story about a girl, striving to build a dream, the "impossible". What happens when it becomes too much, what will she do? Will she ever finish the project? Will she give up? Will it consume her until there's nothing left? Will she be alone, or will she have the help she needs to continue the fight? Will her enemy win, or will she conquer the challenges that arise?

That's it. Just some non-sensical thoughts passing by, though I suppose those belong on the other blog.

Broken Hearts...Love and Let Go.

There are some I've known that may not believe I understand the pain of love, loss, betrayal, the heart, or the treacherous tricks it can play on us. All I can do, is hope that someday they will see things a little more clearly, and understand the reasons for my choices in time.

Believe me, I understand the pain of a broken heart, and broken trust. It can be intense, leave lasting scars, change your world, even feel like your world is crushed and will never be mended. It can feel like your heart will never work again. It can leave you feeling worthless, hopeless, and lonely. It can leave you feeling angry, and hurt. It can make you, even if for a fleeting moment, want to exact revenge and want them to feel the pain you feel, but more than anything else, just want them to want you. It can leave you wondering why you fall apart and overflow with tears so easily at the moments you want most to hold yourself together. I've been there before. It makes it that much harder when you turn out to be the one on the giving side of this kind of "bad news". But now I want to share what I've learned, and what I believe now. Please keep in mind that there are many different situations and that not all of the following is applicable to the reader.

First of all, each one must carry his (or her) own load.

This helped me not to writhe myself with guilt, trying to convince myself that I have feelings that really aren't there because they're a nice guy, when someone confesses their feelings to me that I simply don't feel the same way about. 

This also helped me to realize that I need to be prepared for that possibility and be able to accept that as well. If you don't want to take the risk or can't handle a broken heart, then don't play the game.

This doesn't mean that we don't need to be careful, if you care about others' well being, you'll do your best not to cause them that kind of unecessary pain by intentional/reckless flirting or stringing someone along to make yourself feel better about yourself, when in actuality, you really don't have those kind of feelings for him/her. But then of course, we're imperfect and unforseen occurrences befall us all, now don't they.

For some of you, there's nothing you could have done better. You may have realized a potentially dangerous relationship, maybe you realized the person had things they needed to resolve themselves, that you couldn't help them with. The deeper a relationship gets, the more painful the fallout of it becomes, right? So really, isn't it a kindness to break it off as soon as possible if you realize early in the relationship that it is dangerous, or that what you thought to be, really isn't? If you just drag yourself into a "one-sided" relationship, wouldn't it really end up making both people miserable, one feeling trapped, the other feeling guilty and hurt? Sometimes someone does something drastic when you make that choice, but really, aren't there usually deeper problems at hand? All we can do is do our best to be kind and considerate, and try to avoid that situation/pain when possible, but strive to be kind about it when we can't.

But what if you're on the receiving end? This is the primary reason for this post. These were things I wanted to say at one time, but couldn't. To those with broken hearts and lost promises.

At least 99.9% of humans have at least to some extent felt the pain of broken promises and unrequited love. So please remember, you're not alone. I've found that friends lend a great deal of help in picking ourselves back up when we've fallen and the person we hoped or thought would be there to catch us, wasn't. There's nothing wrong with crying when you're scraped up, bruised, and hurting. When you're around the ones you can trust, your friends, or a shoulder you can lean on, just let it out. But please don't let the pain consume you. Don't let it fill your heart with resentment, and cloud out the reasons to continue loving. Love does not get jealous, puffed up, it endures all things. It is the most endearing and important quality that makes us beautiful. Without it, how would we ever be motivated to help others or keep their well being at heart even at the times it's most difficult, when we may have to suffer pain for it. I didn't always understand this, but I hope to some extent, I do now.

When we open up, and let someone in, they can take a piece of our hearts with them. But as painful as it can be, the loving thing to do sometimes, is to let it go, if our feelings are unrequited. If you keep a fish out of water, it'll die, so if you really want that fish to live, if you really care about that fish, you've got to let it go, right? Though this is much easier said than done, and can take time. If we strive to reach that stage as soon as possible, we'll get to it soon enough. It will still be painful, even after we've done this. But with time, the wound will heal...if we let it. No matter what happens, don't stop finding reasons to love. But remember, there's nothing wrong with letting your friends help you either. There exists a friend sticking closer than a brother. Two are better than one, for if one should fall, the one is there to raise the other. They're your comrades, and are there to help you up when you fall. But they can't help if you won't let them, I truly know this from personal experience.

For me, the first time wasn't the hardest, but it was ever so painful. Even if it wasn't the deepest, it was the first cut. Now, my heart has received many different kinds of cuts, deep cuts, and surface cuts. It's been cut to the point I'm not even sure it's ever to compare to others' beauty. But it has survived the battles, and come out still loving, has overcome the challenge to stop. I know I have cut others, not intending to, and only hope to minimize the pain I cause others. I'm sure some of them don't realize it, and I hope someday they will see things differently. But I have not stopped loving them just because it hurts, I refuse to stop hoping in love. As they cut, I wait. I truly believe, that if there is someone that you are committed to, it's important to strive to continue loving them. But sometimes, for some of them, you need to step out of reach, give them a little time and space, otherwise they will keep cutting until you bleed to death. Give your heart the chance to heal. Ultimately, the only person we can change is ourselves. But we've got to fight for it!

The principles that this (and my other posts in this blog) is based on are not from my own wisdom, there are many "quotes" that are not my own, they are truly from my best friend, he's always taken care of me and urged me to do what's best. I hope that I will continue to improve on how I show my appreciation and always continue to learn from him. I at least hope that the reasoning is based on his principles, because I believe they are truly the wisest. The thoughts jump around a little in this post, but I hope that the main points made it through the jumbled mess.

I'm sure a lot of this is nonsense, but I believe this is important (not the nonsense) to keep living. Maybe due to my stubbornness. 

The Shrew and The Bluebird.

Once there was a little shrew taken in by a family of field mice. The shrew was different so it received ridicule from the mice, it was treated as an outsider. The little shrew wanted so much to find it's place, a place to belong. But the shrew had many adventures on it's own.

One sunny morning, the shrew was out to venture early. Suddenly, it heard a beautiful sound. "What is it?" the little shrew wondered. It followed the sound to find an amazing creature, a blue bird. The bright and cheerful bluebird was singing a melodious tune. How it captivated the little shrew. What's more, it could fly. The bird cutting through the air with ease gave off a light airy feeling, took away the cares of the day. The little shrew and bluebird quickly became friends. The shrew watched the bluebird as it flew and sang, it made the shrew feel light and happy. The little shrew admired the bluebird and wanted to fly, it wanted to be bright and beautiful, to have a beautiful voice that brought about smiles to accompany the tunes. But when the mice found out, they said to the little shrew, "What could you do? You will never be like that. You're just an ugly little shrew!". This continued for a few days, eventually the shrew began to believe them. 

The next day, the bluebird noticed the shrew was feeling down. "What's wrong little friend?" the bluebird asked. The shrew said, "Oh how I wish I could be like you. You are so beautiful, with a voice and songs that bring happiness to everyone. It can even brighten a rainy day. You fly so high in the sky and are a master of the air. The beautiful coat of feathers that catches the eye. But I'm just an ugly little shrew, what could I ever do?"
The bluebird smiled, "Silly little shrew, did you know that I admire you?" The little shrew with shock said, "What is there to like about me?!" The bluebird responded, "I am fast in the air, but you are fast on the ground. I am carefree and play all day, but you are cautious and attentive, you see danger long before I do. You've mastered evading preditors from the air as well as the ground, whereas I have only mastered ones from the air. While I draw attention to myself without even trying, you blend into your surrounding easily, and to your enemies, can be hard to find. You are strong, fearless, not afraid to fight. You are strong where I am not. But do you know what I think?" The shrew quickly replied, "What?". The bluebird continued with a smile, "I think we make a great team. Where the one is lacking, the other makes up."
The shrew thought for a moment taking it all in, then the bluebird said, "So, little shrew, do you wish to fly?". The little shrew responded, "How could I?!" The bluebird flew down to the ground next to the shrew and said, "Hope on, and hold on tight." The little shrew was both ecstatic and nervous as it climbed on with caution. The bluebird flew up and down, it spun around, it flew over the mice, as the mice had to look twice. As the bluebird landed safely, the little shrew looked around, got back on the ground, and leaped with excitment.
"Now.", the bluebird said, "You've done the impossible."

The next day the shrew was up bright and early, out to meet it's friend, once again. But the bluebird was nowhere to be found. The shrew wondered if the bluebird had left, after searching and searching, the shrew decided to put it to an end. When suddenly, there was a faint noise. It was his friend! But the tone was very different, it made the shrew feel uneasy, like it's friend was in danger.

The little shrew scurried faster than ever before. It arrived to find the bluebird trapped! The bluebird cried, "Oh little shrew, what will I do. It looks like our days together have come to an end! I'm sorry little friend!"

After pausing a moment to look at the trap, the shrew responded, "Hold on a moment, I know what to do." It started chewing on the rope with it's strong teeth, when suddenly they heard a sound. Foot steps fast approaching! The little shrew chewed and scratched with all of it's might. Closer and closer, the bluebird cried, "It's almost here! Run little friend!" Then the last strand to the rope broke and the door fell open. He was finally free!

But suddenly the sun disappeared! As they looked up, there, standing, was the trapper. The shrew said, "Follow me!" But here came the hands. "Hop into the hole of the tree over there!" said the shrew. Then the bird responded, "But what will you do?!". The shrew turned with a smile, and said, "I'll protect you!"

The bird hopped to the hole as the shrew crawled up the trapper's shoe. With one swift swing, the hand came down, but the shrew was too fast and small to be found. Finally the shrew scurried to the hole. Safe! But how will they get out the trapper is waiting. The shrew told the bird, "If you can hop up the ridges inside this tree, we can get to the branch and you can fly away safely. So they made their way along the narrow openings between the ridges till they reached the branch. The bird said to the shrew, "hop on and I'll carry you!" So the shrew did just so and they made their escape quickly. The bird then said, "Now do you see, what kind of a friend you are to me?" The shrew smiled and said, "I finally see my worth, as a shrew. Thank you!" That was the beginning to a wonderful friendship, each one special, in it's own way.

Sink or Swim

There is truth in the counsel concerning the impact of association, because association can leave you with the additional hardship in choosing. The people you choose to spend time with, or loved ones, can add to or reduce the pain and/or pressure of choosing between compromise and resolve. They can build up, or tear down. The closer to the end of the storm, the heavier it gets. But the closer that light is as well, we have to keep our eyes focused on our destination, not what we've left behind, right? If we spend all our time focused on the rear view mirror, we’re sure to crash are we not? When it comes to sink or swim, some of us loose sight of our objective and sink. Some of us begin to sink, but regain our sight. Some of us have to sink first to realize what we’re really missing. Others, as hard as it is to do, keep swimming. But those we choose to have close to us can affect our attitude, determination, and conviction. I have recently solidified my understanding of this in myself. It is such an easy thing, to lose sight of how our association is affecting us. At least, it can be for me at times.

As it gets slightly colder, I have decisions to make. Reassessments, but I think I have made my decision on one matter. For the time being, I am determined to work harder and give more this year than last. I didn’t do very well last year, but when I think of my background, the struggles, and adjustments I had to make, it’s to be somewhat expected. I know there are some that believe I am taking on too much. I only believe that this can be carried out with help and sacrifice. I will give it another shot this year, because this work is so important. I will try to get ahead and focus on the changes I need to make, instead focusing on the number of mistakes I’ve made. I will focus on improving my view, and leaning on the right person.

There are opportunities that arise, but I must consider my steps carefully. It is wise to calculate the cost before you start building, right? I will strive to focus on the more important things, and do what I must, give everything I've got, for what's worth fighting for.

Sunny Days...Introduction.

As I look out the window at the beautiful sunny day teasing me from the other side of the glass, I eagerly anticipate the moment I will be able to go out and enjoy it. Up here in the Arctic lands, sun is a highly valued commodity in nature. This summer, even more so.

I suppose I should tell you about how I am doing here in the Arctic for that is surely the reason you are reading this blog. But how to do so without divulging personal details about me, that will be the real challenge. When I talk about serious matters, it is easy to forget anyone can read it, and these days, every event in my life is serious. Whether it be serious joy, sadness, pain, hope, love, tears, laughter, I take it seriously, because those around me have the greatest impact on events. If that makes any sense.

Now to the news.

First, I will start with the weather. As I have already alluded to, the sun has been scarce, and rain a plenty. I suppose it makes you appreciate even more so what is easy to be taken for granted.

As for people in my life. There are always the ones that bring joy, sadness, hope, love, that build you up, or tear you down. I have many wonderful friends that I know care dearly about me, and others that I'm sure care but do not understand why I do the things I do yet. I will not stop hoping for them, loving them, and doing my best to do what's best for them, though it's not easy, and with some, it may even be the hardest thing(s) to do. But love endures all things, conquers all things, bears up, as long as I keep building on this kind of love in me, I will not give up in hoping for them, or loving them, no matter how they may feel about me.

My student has been making wonderful progress, she even made it to the convention this weekend! I know she has many challenges ahead of her. I hope that she will make the right choices when the time comes. She's learned a lot, now to put it to work. She put serious thought into the things she has learned and reminds me...of me...even if just a little. She loves what she's learning about and has brought me so much joy. This opportunity has helped me to take this work much more seriously than I used to. Because I did not think I could ever help someone like this. But now I know, it does not matter what I think I can or cannot do, because it's not me doing the work (making her love grow for the things she's learning). It truly is a privilege.

As for a few others in my life. There are a few that I feel have grown tired of me, lost interest. I have always felt that this be the case, it was hard enough learning to live with myself, how much more could I expect others to handle this? I have come to accept this about myself, about others. I know that is why I subconsciously try to secretly keep a distance in my heart with most. Because I truly believe, if they get to know me too well, they will wish they hadn't. Somehow though, I just cannot keep this from being the case. I let my guard down too easily, and find myself in this situation again.

Anyways, these are some feelings I'm facing right now with some friends.

Some of the others, want little to nothing to do with me now, I push hard sometimes, because I love them (and I'm crazy, but they already know this). They don't understand right now, but I will not give up, and I will not stop hoping that someday they will understand me. Until then, I will continue to try my best.

I liken it to the ocean, swimming for your life. Some begin to tire out, others give up altogether because they focus on the things at hand and not what's ahead. It's easy for this to happen to us as well if we're not attentive. They just stop and let themselves sink, all we can do is do our best, but be sure not to let ourselves sink with them. We can pull and try, they may fight, but if we drown ourselves in the process, what will we have accomplished? We have to keep swimming, and hopefully the strong will help the exhausted, but they have to let them help.

My Papa is doing well and has been such a support to me this past year, I cannot thank him enough. I know he's got a few battles of his own, but I have confidence that he can make it through them with help.

Lastly, for myself. This past year has been a real fight just to stay on the front lines. But I have had so much support from friends, family, and most importantly, from someone of the greatest importance. Because of this, I will not give up hope that I can achieve these goals with better success this year. When I took on this extra volunteer work, I understood it would be a lot, especially because I did not imagine I could ever amount to this.

I suppose I've never been one to take the easy way, even when perhaps I should just a little in my mind. There (in my mind) think I tend to set my expectations a little higher than reasonable sometimes...a lot of the time. But I am determined to stay in the fight, and take the lead as best as I can with help of course (couldn't do it alone).

In spite of the way it may seem, this year has brought so much more joy and happiness than ever before. I know that happiness depends on one thing, and it has nothing to do with marriage, or family, or material things.
You can be unhappily married, or unhappily single for that matter.
You can have parents that give you whatever you want and still be unhappy or unattractive(as a person, not in looks), or always wishing you had someone else's parents or family, and the family or atmosphere you had, you can lose in a moment.

You can be insecurely, or unhappily rich, and you can certainly lose that in a moment as well, and monetary possessions can make you an unattractive person if you let them.

But there is one thing that gives us hope, endurance, strength, and keeps us striving to love when it's hardest.
So right now, I am happily single. I try not to worry about whether I will find someone or not, I really don't think too much about it. If someone special comes along, they come along, if not, then they haven't. I think it's important to have that first. Otherwise, if you're in a hurry, you tend to overlook seemingly small things that have a huge effect over time. I strive to improve where I can, and do my best to accept what I've got(who I am) at the moment. I say this because there will always be something to work on.

Now that the introductory post is out of the way and you are caught up on probably the last...three years or so, the others should be (hopefully) much shorter than this mind numbingly long one. Thanks for listening...reading.

P.S. I drew this a few years ago. I have added a few random photos in this post from pictures that I've taken over the years. Enjoy.